Yuuki's POV
A year now. It's been an entire year since my whole world has changed forever. You would think that I've learned my way through my new world and moved forward. Honestly, it's not a matter of adapting to these changes; it's a matter of whether or not I want to continue living in it. This is why I suffer everyday for trying to find the answer.
What make matters worse are the remaining memories of my old life that I miss dearly. They still seem so close to touch, it's as if everything normal was yesterday. That goes to show how my reality turned upside down with a blink of an eye. But now I, this Pureblood Princess, this angel of darkness in the night, should no longer dwell on such foolish antics. Emotions are considered as weakness for us, especially for me. Purebloods are supposed to be supreme beacons of my kind's existence, immortal gods or goddess that rule the night with powerful benevolence and pride. Unfortunately for me, I just can't seem to feel that way.
I hugged my legs against my chest while in bed, having my chin rest between my knees as I endure the loneliness in this huge, majestic room. I sighed. How I do miss the eventful moments while I was human. Everything I did was filled with the loyalty and determination that my small body had to offer. From being the loving daughter in Chairman's--um, I mean, 'Daddy's'--life, to protecting the school grounds as prefect, to going a few rounds with those insane Day Class girls…I cherished them all.
Even cherishing my friendship with Yori brought strong meaning within me, which it still does for our bond shall never die. And now, all of those moments are things that I can't do anymore. Yes, all of that has vanished over a year. A year since my final hug to Daddy, a year since my embrace of acceptance from Yori, a year since my last glance at my Day Class uniform, a year since my last glance at Cross Academy.
A year since my final farewell to him.
~Once in a while, you are in my mind
I think about the days that we had
And I dream that they would come back to me~
I know I have no right to think about him. Not anymore. And it's not because of our new position towards each other, but to save myself from the tight, sharp pain in my chest at the thought of him. Which I fail horribly of doing because I'm feeling it right now. I gave a soft bitter laugh at myself. I truly am a pathetic vampire indeed. Why do I do this to myself?
He is now a memory that can never be restored, along with everything else. I only need to start my new future with the one that I've grown to admire and love for as long as I can remember. My Kaname-Sama; my immortal prince, my newfound beloved brother, and my chosen soul mate for eternity. He is the one that has saved my life from the very beginning. I remember being obsessed with his kindness and nurturing as a little girl for the past eleven years. We share such a long, unforgettable history together. And he is the one that has reawakened me into this new life that I was meant to be born into.
Onii-Sama always wanted the best for me, always watching over me and making sure I was safe from harm's way. Even though I was nothing but a nuisance troublesome child, he never held any regrets protecting me, like he does now. Once I've learned that he's my blood brother by birth, I finally understood how the two of us should feel complete as whole. Yes, this is the path I chose. Onii-Sama is my true love, the one that I promised to stay by his side and make him proud for having a strong, reliable companion. I want to protect him in the same way that he has for me. He is the one that I get to live with until the end of time, and never looking back. At least…that's what I thought.
When I should be staring at gorgeous chocolate brown hair and hypnotic ruby eyes that matches my own, my mind is making me stare at something else. Silver hair….mysterious, sad lavender eyes….
~If only you knew every moment in time
Nothing goes on in my heart, just like your memories
How I want to be here with you once more……~
And that image of his face never goes away. That very same face is always there, haunting me within the deepest core of my heart. I don't know whether it's punishment or a sign, but it drives me to the point of confusing insanity. But is it in a good or bad way? No, I shouldn't think that. I don't deserve to. What's done is done between us, and there's nothing that we can do to change that. No matter how much we might wish we could. Or do we?
Or should I ask myself, do I? There is no longer any reason to wish for that. If I love Onii-Sama and chose to be by his side, then I should be able to give my entire focus and devotion to him alone. My beloved future husband is the one that's supposed to let me see the new light toward this path. I should be able to lift myself up and feel new happiness with him.
So why does he still linger inside of my subconscious? Why haven't I found the strength to fight this pain away by now? It's as if the last piece of my soul has been abandoned over a year as well.
~You are always gonna be the one and you should know
How I wish I could have never let you go
Come into my life again, oh don't say no
You are always gonna be the one in my life
So true, I believe I could never find
Somebody like you, my first love~
I shifted out of bed and walked toward my window, my long dark hair flowing gently behind my back. I looked up at the starry sky and the red crescent moon. The moon of blood, the moon of the vampires. But I don't view the glorious moon the same way as the others do. Even the same radiant, glowing color reminded me of that lustful hunger in his eyes.
I wonder if we're gazing at the moon together as we speak.
*****
~Once in a while, you are in my dreams
I can feel the warmth of your embrace
And I pray that it will all come back to me~
Zero's POV
Life itself has never been a friend of mine. I was practically born to suffer, to be nothing more but damage goods as I continue roaming in this pathetic world. It always seems that way. Will I ever live to see the day when some kind of happiness approach in my doorstep? I may never know. Therefore, I don't think about that day because I know it will never come true. That day will never exist for me. Especially after everything that has happened to me over a year now.
I stared at the ceiling of my empty dorm room for a long time, my body resting calmly in bed by my soft breathing. My weapon, the Bloody Rose, my seemingly only companion of sorrow, is secured in my left hand against my chest whereas my right hand was holding onto a picture of a now lost memory. Every night, I find myself doing this routine as soon as I finish the day, as soon as I close my door and enter my state of solitude. A young man like me deserves to do more things than just stare at ceilings; hang with friends, hang with his family, have a girlfriend, go through high school ordinarily, not worrying his life is in danger every moment, not fighting monsters every day, not fearing of the immense power growing inside of him. More importantly, he deserves not to be alone.
Please. Like I said, that day will never come. I never have been, never was, and never will be that 'young man' to experience such things. That goes to show how life's a bitch and it just loves making fun of me. No surprises there. Or am I the one tormenting myself with this meaningless routine? What makes me go through with this every night? Then again, I already know the answer; it just pisses me off that I'm unable to break away from this habit. At least the habit keeps me away from the nightmares, helping me prevent sleep. I don't like to sleep anymore.
Because I know if I was to close my eyes, I will be seeing her face instead.
~If only you knew every moment in time
Nothing goes on in my heart, just like your memories
How I want to be here with you once more……yeah, yeah, yeah~
And it's the same damn face that I see every night from this past year. She never goes away. Wherever I turn, her heart-shaped face clouds my vision. Those huge, innocent reddish-brown eyes are always looking back at me. And that goofish, irreplaceable smile spreads across her face, a smile that used to be filled with warmth, joy, and playfulness. It was the same smile that used to be addressed only to me by her bright presence and optimistic nature.
What makes it even worse is that very same face fits the description of the girl in this picture. Is that why I hold onto it every night? Why I haven't torn it to shreds the moment when everything changed? If this is the right way for closure, then it only tells you how I've grown to be a desperate or mentally ill man even more. Perhaps in a way…it's a good thing. Maybe a little.
No. No, there's nothing good about this. These are more mind games toying with my sense by those monsters' pleasures. And now she gets to inflict the same thing, for she's now one of them. She is now the complete opposite of the girl in the picture that I'm holding in my hands. From the moment I found out her true identity, our bond had crashed and burned forever. She doesn't know how much her 'new form' has taken a great toll of my miserable heart, and probably doesn't care. At least not anymore. I snorted. Why would she now? Or more importantly, why would I want her to? We are officially new enemies. We both come from two different worlds, one is meant to hunt the other.
As a vampire hunter, I shouldn't feel this way over a monster. That's what she is now. This demonic figure has taken over the body of the girl that I've grown to love, the girl that used to show me a new form of light when we first met five years ago. She is one of those spawns that has taken everything dear to me; my family, my dear brother, this curse that I'm forced to live in, and now her. The human her has been taken away from me. All thanks to that bastard Kuran of hers, the beast that reawakened her with his disgusting blood. The awful fact that they share the same blood still makes mine boil.
It's always been him that she truthfully loved and not me. It's obvious that she wanted to be a part of that life with him this whole time, to become a creature that thirst for human blood and energy. Whether she was born as his sister or not, she still would have chosen to take that path in order to be with him. Now she gets to spend eternity with those monsters and with her despicable prince. She knew what she was doing the moment she turned her back and left me. Regardless, she chose to leave me, to abandon the friendship we once had, and erase me as a long lost memory. That is who we are now, long lost memories that can never be restored. It's my determination of keeping this 'promise' that's keeping me alive. For there will be a next time when we cross paths again.
And yet….that face is still there. Why can't I free myself from this punishment? Why her existence still lingers in my empty soul?
~You will always be inside my heart, and you should know
How I wish I could have never let you go
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one in my heart
So true, I believe I can never find
Somebody like you, my first love……oh, ooohhh……~
Why? Why her? Why did she have to become the one thing that I hate the most? Why did it have to be this way between us? I really should hate her. I know I needed to hate her, for I'm destined to hunt and kill her wherever she is. We are now in this endless game of cat-and-mouse, as she claims she'll run to the ends of the earth in order for me to live. She called this living? Has the demonic side of her completely taken over her nature of heart? But it's too late now to ask myself those things. It's already clear on what our new places are from each other.
I finally got out of bed and looked out the window. I glanced up at the crescent moon, viewing the white, glowing light shining down on the earth. Reminds me of the innocent purity she once was.
Is she looking at the moon too?
*****
Yuuki's POV
Unexpectedly, tears start falling down on my cheeks but I didn't care. I continued to let them fall as I dropped onto the floor, my chest unable to bear the heavy pain from all of this. Why did it have to be this way? Why did I have to become enemies with my best friend? Why did I have to become the one thing that he hates the most, the thing that destroyed his life in the first place? And now, I'm doing the same thing to him. Because of my new existence, I've caused more pain and resentment for him to face alone. We can never be the partners that we used to be and embrace each other with forgiving hugs. It's no longer that simple.
He hates me now. I don't blame him. I hate myself for causing him this much agony and despair. But this is the way it has to be. I can't reverse everything that has happened. This is the way I was born, and I can't help that. This is my fate. I'm now in an endless war with the one I've grown to love. This cat-and-mouse game will never end until one of us is vanquish by the hands of the other. But I don't ever want to see the day of his blood in my hands; therefore, I will hurt him no longer. I will run from him to the ends of the earth, for all eternity if need be. So if the time comes when he finds a life to settle down along the road, he will finally find peace and closure. He will find that new someone that could mend his broken heart that I've damaged. I want that for him. It's the least I can do to help him one final time.
We may be enemies, but he'll always remain a friend to me, maybe even more. He may see me as a monster, but he'll always be the same person in my eyes. He may hate me with all his being, but I can never find myself feeling the same way. Despite our relationship now, I never regretted experiencing the day that I've met him.
~You are always gonna be the one and you should know
How I wish I could have never let you go
Come into my life again, oh don't say no~
I will never regret the things that I've done for him, the bond we created while it last. We too shared some kind of history that is irreplaceable. It can never be like it is with Onii-Sama, but it was just as special in its own way. It may be a sin for a pureblood to cherish human memories, but I don't care. My memories with him are just as valuable as the ones with others. Reminiscing these moments is my only release from the pain right now. Not even Onii-Sama can protect me from this much misery. Whether or not he's always been aware of my depression, I don't know. I just pray that he never sees me this way, for I know it will break his heart. And he'll know right then and there that it's not him I'm thinking about anymore.
Until the day comes when we cross paths again, until we meet face to face, vampire to vampire, enemy to enemy, I will close my eyes and go back in time. I will go back to the time when we were still kids, when we gone through the good and rough days side by side, when he would always look after me from harm's way, and when we would joke and playfully argue over his irritating slackiness and my clumsiness. I will go back to the time when it's just him and me, letting him know that he's never alone, and showing him the meaning to smile. Yes, going back in time in my thoughts is the only way of having him come back to me.
*****
Zero's POV
A part of me doesn't believe that's her. How can her pure, beautiful essence be vanished by something unholy before my eyes? How can the beast still be in that same shape and form? Is her human soul gone entirely? I wanted to scream so badly after that side of her when we said our farewells, to see if there was any human left inside of her. I wanted to see some kind of sign that her sweet, warm glow in her eyes was still there. I wanted to see the girl that I knew and loved one last time. Please, come back to me…
~You are always gonna be the one
So true, I believe I will never fffiiinnnddd…
Now and forever, in looooovvveeee……~
I looked at the photo and viewed her face again. I know she no longer has the same huge googly brown eyes filled with innocence and warmth. Her skin no longer has that warm glow that I adored feeling against my own flesh when embracing her in my arms. Even her cute, short brown hair no longer exists. Instead, I remember witnessing those newly crimson blood wine orbs like Kuran's, the porcelain paleness of her skin, and the long waist length dark hair flowing behind her back, giving her a more menacing yet erotic appearance. She was no longer the girl in this picture. I will never see those qualities again.
I sighed. If only I wasn't afraid of facing the nightmares that plagues in my head, I would be happy to let go and center myself at night. If I knew how to dream, I would be able to go back in time to where it was just her and me. I would go back in time to see that smiling joyous face greeting me. I would be able to have her by my side again, being the loyal sidekick she's always been. I would be able to enjoy our childish arguments over my slackiness effort in work and her unforgettable carelessness. More importantly, I would be able to show that small yet warm grin that she brings out in me. I know it's foolish of me for letting my mind get that far, but like I said before, I've grown to be more of a desperate and insane man. Anything to make me feel she is coming back to me.
*****
Yuuki's POV
My tears have dried up moments ago, but I was still crying inside. Ever since I was little, I thought that Kaname-Sama was my first and true love. But I was wrong. It's him, it's always been him. I've been so blind to see that, it explains why I felt this heartache all along. If only I can shout that out to him and let him know. But it's too late now.
Zero……
I felt a lump in my throat when his name finally echoed in my mind. The name that I've avoid saying for a whole year in order not to break down. But I can't take it any longer.
"Zero….." I whispered in the dark. A new tear falls down. "Please forgive me. I love you".
I continued staring into nothingness outside my window, hoping my last sentence has reached him wherever he is now.
*****
Zero's POV
But if there will be a day when happiness approach my door for me to see, then maybe, just maybe….I'll finally find that closure that will make me live—or die—in peace. For I know that happiness by my door will be her again. The girl I once knew.
I took a deep breath and close my eyes to face the image in the dark. Somehow this time, something brought out a new strength to make me finally say her name as I'm looking at her, smiling.
"Yuuki…….".
THE END
